Return of Cab Calloway

Note:  I was stuck in the back room when this took place, so this account is somewhat secondhand.  However, its standing as a legendary tale around the bowling alley has bolstered its legitimacy for years now.

Armando was working the counter one day when this old guy came into the bowling alley all dressed up in a gaudy, brightly colored yellow zoot suit.  For real – it was complete with the wide brimmed hat and pocket watch and everything.  It actually sounds quite impressive, I must admit.

Armando could tell the guy wasn’t quite all there when he came up to the counter to order something and basically spoke in broken jive, for lack of a better term.  He thought maybe it was a joke or something, but it wasn’t long before he realized the guy was serious about this.  Armando felt kind of bad for him, so he decided to go along with it.  What harm could it do?  After a minute or two, he was able to glean the fact that the guy thought he was Cab Calloway.  Well, Armando thought this was pretty cool, so he asked him for his “autograph”, and the guy got quite a kick out of that. 

Too bad this poor old guy wasn’t quite as amused a little bit later when Armando decided to take it a step too far.  He launched into some ridiculous phony diatribe, spewing forth that he thought Minnie the Moocher was really nothing more than a “fucking dirty skank” who was likely “riddled with debilitating STDs” and oh-by-the-way his grandfather used to tell them all about how she once “sucked him off for bus money” one fine day back in ‘37, etc.

Needless to say, “Cab Calloway” has not been seen around the bowling alley since.  

I still don’t know how Armando kept his job after that one.  He’s a nut.  My theory is that the old guy never submitted a complaint or got overly pissed or anything because his hearing was shot.  That’s what I would like to think, at least.

Tommy in the Trunk

One of the guys who works here at the snack bar is Tommy.  He’s okay – pretty good guy, I guess.  Anyway, Tommy will often go out to his car during his lunchtime to listen to sports talk radio.  The strange thing about this is that he insists upon climbing into the TRUNK of his car to listen to the radio.  He claims that he gets better AM radio reception in his car if he sits in the trunk, versus sitting in one of the actual seats like a normal human being.  He reasons that as long as he keeps the trunk open, he’ll have enough oxygen and won’t die by doing this, and all will be well.  The obvious side effect of keeping the trunk open is, of course, the fact that everyone can see him in there and question his sanity, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care.

The greatest part of this whole thing is that he sometimes will call into these radio shows from time to time.  You know he’s the one calling in when they say, “Okay, let’s welcome our next caller, Tommy in the Trunk”.

 

 

And Away We Go…

Working in the snack bar of a bowling alley has proven to be incredibly fascinating.  Back when I started, I never imagined I would meet the kind of interesting characters that I have met at this place, nor could I have ever thought I would experience any of the crazy things that I have experienced, literally, on a day-to-day basis.   It all begs to be heard, and that’s why I will reveal it all here.